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Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
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9:55 pm - Paragraph#8
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Sehar Jamil
Rhetoric 1302
Prof. Thomas Mackenzie
February 27, 2006
Paragraph#8
My particular writing and level of improvement represent the grade of A. I think an A student needs to be in class on time, hand in all assignments on time, and interact in good class participation. Individual work is not the only thing that matters; group work is also very important. Interaction with peers helps build a friendly class environment as does having a keen interest in class and the material being taught. I believe I have demonstrated all the qualities an A student should possess.
Participation is necessary in order to understand the material being taught in class. My participation involves asking questions in class to clarify any doubt or vague concept. I believe that by asking questions, I am not only educating myself but perhaps also helping out other classmates who might have the same question, but hesitate to ask in class. A recent instance I can remember in particular is when I asked clarification on how to make the chart detailing paragraph numbers, claim, and grade.
Attendance is another very important element in determining a students’ grade. How can a student who does not come to class understand what the class is about and thus ace it? That is why I have come to class on a regular basis, with the exception of two absences. I was out on Wednesday, January 11th, in observance of Eid-ul-Adha, an Islamic holiday and I was out on Friday, February 17th, because of an emergency family meeting for which I had to travel to Arlington. Only under serious circumstances I have afforded to miss class.
Not only is attending class necessary, but being on time is also important. I have been punctual in getting to class on time as well as handing all my work on time. I believe when I come to class a few minutes early, it gives me time to settle and prepare for the period. That way, when class officially starts, I am not fidgeting around and disturbing class. Similarly, handing work on time is also essential.
One thing that I am concerned about is the syntax of my sentences. Oftentimes I have been criticized that my sentences are “awkward.” I need to work on improving my syntax. Hopefully in the second part of this semester, I would accomplish strengthening my writing skills.
Final Work Chart
Work Claim Grade
Para#1 I aim to earn an A in this class. B
Para#2 I would like to request a modernized version of “I Love Lucy” for the Fall 2006 season. A
Para#3 As a child, I have grown up around the influence of television. A
Para#4 The concept of Toulmin logic comes from the British philosopher Stephen Toulmin. A
Para#5 My parents’ high school years were in the late seventies B
Para#6 The place I am about to describe is a well known place to all UTD students. A
Para#7 The place I am about to describe is a well known place to all UTD students. (rewrote paragraph 6) A
Essay#1 My culture is greatly shaped by my mother’s culture. A
My two weak paragraphs were paragraph numbers one and five. The reason why these paragraphs were weak was because I failed to write a strong introduction. For example, in paragraph one, I did have a claim, but it wasn’t a strong one. I started paragraph one with, “Being a Literary Analysis major, my concern with any writing related class is self-evident.” I realized that it was not a good enough claim; it was not concise. So I changed it to, “I aim to earn an A in this class.” I believe the latter was a brief and concise claim. In paragraph five’s introduction, I talked about wars in the Middle East and then added the Vietnamese War, which did not fit with the rest of my paragraph. So I edited the Vietnamese War out of the sentence and thus improved my sentence.
I liked my paragraph four a lot, but my claim was awkward. I changed, “Toulmin logic is derived from the British philosopher Stephen Toulmin” to “The concept of Toulmin logic comes from the British philosopher Stephen Toulmin.” By rewording the sentence, I believe I established a stronger claim. Also, it gave me a better understanding of the Toulmin logic; Toulmin logic is an effective way to present an argument. According to Toulmin logic, a good argument states a clear claim and then supports it with data and good reasons.
The only paragraph of mine that I was not content with was paragraph number one. I believed it was a very weak paragraph and my argument was not justified. Looking back at that paragraph I can be sure that my arguments are now better justified. Paragraph one was the only paragraph I felt needed revision and therefore I rewrote the whole paragraph.
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| Friday, April 21st, 2006
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12:08 pm - Paragraph#9
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Sehar Jamil
Rhetoric 1302
Thomas Mackenzie
April 17, 2006
Paragraph#9
Walking across this room, a buzz of exciting events engulfs you. It is as crowded as a department store at Christmas time and as noisy as a Yankees and Redsox game. There are some students playing chess, some students playing pool, some students playing ping-pong and some students playing arcade games. These activities draw attention not only from the bystanders, but also from the second floor onlookers; the studnets sitting on balcony tables, enjoying their snacks. People from different backgrounds, different races, different interests and different personalities all gather at this place to eat, play, laugh and relax. It seems the whole university is gathered in this room at the same time. Don't be surprised to find a familiar face, and definitely be prepared to meet new people. In an environment so rich, and a place so welcoming, you would like to stop by, wouldn't you?
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| Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
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11:31 pm - Essay#1
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Sehar Jamil
Rhetoric 1302
Professor Mackenzie
February 22, 2006
Pakistani-American Culture
My culture is greatly shaped by my mother’s culture. I was born in Pakistan, but when I was only a year old, I came to America with my parents and siblings. I was brought up in the American culture, and had spent very little time in Pakistan. However, since my mother lived in Pakistan for twenty-eight years, she wanted to instill traditional Pakistani values in her children. My own culture revolved around the American lifestyle. I had to learn to adjust between my mother’s Islamic influenced Pakistani culture and my own American culture.
I attended a public elementary school in New York. I went to school dressed in American clothes, spoke English with my teachers and friends, and ate cafeteria lunch. However, as soon as I came home, I changed into traditional Pakistani clothes, communicated in Urdu with my parents and siblings, and ate my mothers’ homemade Pakistani food. From the start, I knew I was living by the standards of two different cultures; the American culture in school and the Pakistani culture at home.
I grew up going to Islamic conventions with my mother to learn more about my religion, Islam. At these conventions, I learned the role of women in the Islamic world. Women were encouraged to make household their first priority. Even though women were not forbidden from working, they were discouraged from engaging in many outside activities. It was taught in those conventions that it is the responsibility of the man of the house to provide for the women’s and children’s needs. This lead me to believe that women’s place was in the home and the outside world was only for men.
My mom also took me to Melas, which are Pakistani fairs where Pakistanis come to share their culture and traditions. At these Melas, I was introduced to the traditional attire and cultural food of Pakistanis. This was a great way to meet other Pakistanis as well and relate to this fusion of cultures.
However many Islamic conventions or Pakistani Melas I attended, I couldn’t neglect the American culture that surrounded me. My friends, acquaintances, teachers, neighbors, all shared the American culture. I learned the importance of individuality when going out with my friends. It was essential in the American culture to be an individual, to have your own voice and to have a say in your life. Making your own decisions was also a vital element that I learned from the American culture. I realized how essential it was to be educated and how certain rights were necessary to protect even the average and ordinary citizen. My notion about women’s place being at home was gradually changing, as I realized I wanted to get a job.
Making a link between the two largely distinct cultures became very crucial. It was difficult to be an over-protected obedient child and at the same time, also be an out-spoken individual. Even when I tried being more American, I was not able to neglect the Islamic-influenced Pakistani values that shaped me from my childhood. Choosing one and neglecting the other became a problem without a solution.
What I needed was a compromise between the cultures, and a compromise between my mother and myself. I was brought up as a child with the image that women should tend to housework and their main priority should be house related chores. However, after high school, I decided to go to college. With the heavy study load, it was impossibly to make house work my first priority. In fact, to be able to better concentrate on my degree, I decided to dorm on-campus. Thus, education replaced housework and became my first priority. Breaking away from home was also in part my American culture urging me to have my own space and individualism. However, my American culture overall still was not replaced by the Pakistani culture I was brought up by.
On My Own
During my first semester of college, when I was dorming, it was the first time I was away from home in the month of Ramadan. Ramadan is the Islamic holy month in which Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset. Even though I was away from home and out of direct parental supervision, I still fasted. I made it my responsibility to wake up before sunrise everyday offer prayer, and then exactly at sunset, I broke my fast. Being away from home made me realize that my mothers’ culture did indeed have a major impact in shaping my own culture. Even though I would go to my classes wearing American clothes, as soon as I would return to my dormitory, I would change into Shalwar Kameez, the traditional Pakistani outfit.
Also, even though my mother never forced me, I started wearing a Hjiab, which is a head covering. I knew my mother was not there to put restrictions on me and even though I was living on my own, I was still abiding by many of the Islamic and Pakistani teachings.
I grew up in the American culture, embodying the notion of individualism, but at the same time, my culture was also greatly influenced by my mother’s culture. I became a Pakistani-American, where both cultures had fused together for me to make a balance between my everyday social life and family life. Even though I came back home and decided dorming was not what I wanted to do; I still did not give up on my education. I learned the only way for me to satisfy both, myself and my mother, is by fusing both cultures into one. Thus, the Pakistani-American culture helped me embody some of my mother’s culture and some of the American culture.
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11:30 pm - Paragraph#7
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Paragraph#7
The place I am about to describe is a well known place to all UTD students. As you walk across this room, a buzz of exciting events surrounds you. It is as crowded as a department store at Christmas time. There are some students playing chess and some students playing pool. These activities then draw attention not only form stand-byers, but also from those overlooking from the second floor balcony; those sitting on tables and usually enjoying their snacks. People from different backgrounds, different races, different interests, and different personalities all gather at this place to eat, play, laugh and relax. It seems the whole university is gathered at this place at the same time. It is common to find familiar faces and also a great place to meet new people.
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11:29 pm - Paragraph#6
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Paragraph#6
The place I am about to describe is a well known place to all UTD students. As you walk across this room, a buzz of exciting events surrounds you. There are some students playing chess and some students playing pool. These activities then draw attention not only form stand-byers, but also from those overlooking from the second floor balcony; those seated on tables and usually enjoying their snacks. People from different backgrounds, different races, different interests, and different personalities all gather at this place to eat, play, laugh and relax. It is common to find familiar faces and also a great place to meet new people.
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11:28 pm - Paragraph#5
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Paragraph# 5
My parents’ high school years were in the late seventies. The late seventies was a time of global unrest. There were many wars going on in the Middle Eastern countries. Wars such as the Iran-Iraq War and the Arab-Israeli War were the only topics being discussed at the time.
Not only were wars going on internationally, there was also a war atmosphere in Pakistan. In the 70’s, Bangladesh gained it’s independence from Pakistan, during the Pakistani Civil War Era and also, India and Pakistan were at war. With wars going on internationally and nationally, a very cynical view of the world was developed. My Mom describes her high school years as a competition between teenagers mostly to gain political stands. Since Wars was the most sought out issue, the young men wanted to be a part of government and have a say in National issues and policies.
Both of my parents were born in Pakistan and stayed in Pakistan until 1987, when they came to America. Both of my parents describe high school as an unorganized institution in the late 70’s in Pakistan. My dad describes his experience in high school as, “very memorable; the best years of my life.” He was one of the political leaders for his school and therefore enjoyed debates and priorities given to leaders. My mom, on the other hand, was a quiet student in high school who took part in no extra curricular activities. For her, going to high school was just a way of escaping her over-protective life at home.
Since both of my parents teenage years were in an era of political unrest, they became very cautious and over-protective parents. When we came to America in 1987, I was only one-year old but my older siblings were raised with very limited freedom. My parents didn’t want their children to mix with any political parties or hang out with “wrong” crowd. As a result, all of our friends were approved by our parents. Furthermore, a very strict and rigid schedule was put forth for us to follow.
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11:28 pm - Paragraph#4
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Paragraph#4
The concept of Toulmin logic comes from the British philosopher Stephen Toulmin. What Toulmin logic does is provide a way for realistic arguing in the 21st century. Based on Toulmin logic, a good argument should always begin with a claim. However, a claim that serves the purposes of a good argument should be a well debatable or controversial statement. For example, in my first Essay, a good claim that I might make will be, “I don’t believe parents have a lot of influence on the way their child grows up to be.” That statement can then become controversial for those who believe that is indeed the parents who influence their children the most. Furthermore, a good claim cannot just stand on its own account. It needs to be backed up by data and reasons. In order for me to convince my readers that I’m making a valid argument, and a good one too, I need to provide some data to prove my claim. I would also need to back up the data and claim by strong reasons. Thus, the Toulmin logic is a great way to practice debating skills and present a really good and convincing argument.
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| Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
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6:27 pm - Group Paragraph#2
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Why remake Gilligan's Island you ask? Gilligan's Island was a show that had it all, adventuring, laughing, crying, and flirting. Its stories and situations are timeless, yet timely. In fact, you could argue that “Lost”, the popular modern series, is much like Gilligan's Island. Well, perhaps that is a stretch, but it is safe to say that this sure-fire show, once adored by millions, can be resurrected, can be brought to television once again, can be enjoyed by a whole new generation that has never experienced it, and can be relived by those who have. The wonderful thing about the show is that, although the characters are well known and loved, the actors who portrayed them are not particularly remembered or revered. For instance, trying to recast "Married with Children" without Ed O'Neil would be career suicide, while recasting Gilligan's Island without whatever actor played “The Skipper” or “The Professor” seems much more feasible. Even though the show has not frequented the airwaves in its dated form, its name and image still live strong in today's pop culture; with a reality show recently have been made in its idiom. Remaking Gilligan's Island, would be a decision made by a rational mind, would it not?
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6:24 pm - Paragraph#3
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Paragraph#3:
As a child, I have grown up around the influence of television. I came to America as a young child, and oftentimes my mom would sit with me to watch programs that helped improve English accent. However, as I grew older, the television had impacted my life so greatly that I was accustomed to watching programs of all sorts, whether the purpose was to educate or entertain. This was not the situation with my Mom, where television owning families were so rare that it was a privilege to be able to watch television. My Mom used television as a source to educate herself. It was through television that my Mom knew issues pertaining to the youth of her home country and it was also through television that she learned what was in fashion and what was trendy. Television was so rare that each program was watched with such alertness that even to this day, my Mom remembers minor details of the programs she used to watch. Unlike my Mom, I grew up in a time and country where television was not the sole source of information available. I used television as a mere source of passing time. Ironically, the social event that had a major impact on my childhood was the weekly family gatherings. In these weekly family gatherings, extended family would come together for dinner and usually during the course of time, tell family stories. It was thru these stories that I learned of the struggles that my parents and family members had to endure. The more stories I heard, the more determined I became to earn an education; something my parents were unable to do because of lack of facilities and opportunities available to them.
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| Saturday, January 21st, 2006
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6:51 pm - Paragraph#2
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To The Producer:
I would like to request a modernized version of “I Love Lucy” for the Fall 2006 season. The morals and values depicted in “I Love Lucy” are truly something the people will enjoy. A show so great will be a sure way of bringing the whole family together to watch T.V. Even for those individuals who don’t live with families, “I Love Lucy” will prove to bring a smile on their faces as they see how a loving couple struggles to overlook their misunderstandings and try to live in harmony. However, since the world is rapidly changing, a few updates to the original show of “I Love Lucy” are vital. Lucy, for example, can still be viewed as a housewife, since many traditional women still choose that option, but she should be shown as a more educated character. Instead of constantly pinning the stupid mistakes on Lucy, her husband should also have his share of mistakes. Television greatly influences and impacts our lives in the twenty-first century and therefore, modernizing a show that shows how a young couple lives happily together regardless of their faults and misunderstandings is truly eye-catching. Modernizing “I Love Lucy” for the Fall 2006 season will surely prove something worthwhile for all of us to watch.
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| Thursday, January 19th, 2006
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6:40 pm - PARAGRAPH#1
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Mr. Thomas Mackenzie,
I aim to earn an A in this class. Since I am a Literary Analysis major, I like to take advantage of every chance I get to improve my writing. This class will prove to be a good opportunity for me to improve my writing. Since I’m interested in the material being taught in class, I will keep good record of my attendance. An A is not an easy grade to get but with determination, I know I can earn it. Reviewing the syllabus, I see there will be many writing assignments due and that will only further strengthen my abilities as a writer. I take my writing very seriously and strive to reach only for the best. To guarantee an A in this class, I will follow the guidelines provided for an A paper and also hand in all my work on time. To ascertain a good grade on the paper, I will revise it a couple of times before handing it in. Through my well revised and on time work, I believe I will be able to convince you that I truly do deserve an A for this class.
Sincerely,
Sehar Jamil
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| Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
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6:34 pm - MY CONFIDENCE LOG
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April 14, 2006
This week in class, I mostly reviewed my third essay and tried to make it better than the first two essays. While having peer reviews of the first draft of my third essay, I realized I had not supported my claim too well and worked to perfect it.
Original: Over the years of growing up around my father, I have realized more and more that the way I live is more heavily influenced by his culture in the 1970's than by my own.
Revised: I have realized that my culture is heavily influenced by my father's culture of the 1970's.
Original: My bilingual ability shows obvious cues to how I grew up.
Revised: Being a biligual, I have had many advantages growing up.
April 7, 2006
This week in class, I learned what a causal argument is. I also worked on the proposal for my third essay, which is going to be a causal argument. I learned how to differentiate between the different types of arguments.
Original: Sometimes I think I would prefer to experience the extreme discipline that formed my parents into successful citizens.
Revised: I would like to experience the extremem disciplines my parents endured.
Original: That should not even be acceptable to produce seeing as that our youths will see that kind of movie because that is what they have grown to like.
Revised: Certain kinds of movies should not be made, especially since the youth is greatly effected by movies.
March 31, 2006
This week in class, the final version of the second essay was due. Therefore, I learned to thoroughly proofread my work and I also learned how to properly cite sources for my bibliography for the second essay.
Original: Television programs during the time period of my father also influenced me.
Revised: I was greatly influenced by the television programs of my father's time period.
Original:The reason for Vietnam stagnating in its growth as a country was the Vietnam War, the war against communism.
Revised: The Vietnam War, also known as the war against communism, was the reason for Vietnam stagnating in its growth as a country.
March 24, 2006
This week in class I learned how to analyze arguments. The two arguments I read and analyzed were Thomas Sowells' and Jesse Petersons'. They were both great arguments and had valid claims. I also started working on my second essay this week.
Original:All of these events that have affected my father's culture in the 1970's have had a direct and powerful influence on what morals and values that I have today.
Revised: The morals and values I have today date back to my fathers' 1970's culture.
Original: Although the Supreme Court had ordered many decisions saying that discrimination was evil and not allowed, segregation was still at large.
Revised: Despite the Supreme Court's ruling against discrimination, segregation still took place by large.
March 17, 2006
This week in class I learned about evaluations, quantative and qualitative which is great since my second essay is an evaluation of the Cold War.
Original: Rita would always worry when I would leave town to play ball, but
nothing she was not used to.
Revised: Rita was used to me leaving town to play ball and yet she continued to worry.
Original: Money was never around so I never wanted it; money came and went as
quickly as it came.
Revised: Money was always scarce and never a fixed amount to look forward to; that is why I was used to living with whatever amount I had.
February 22, 2006
My writing has a few strengths and a few weaknesses. First concentrating on the strengths I would like to comment that I am very descriptive in my writing. I believe it is important to be explicit and at the same time retain simplicity and conciseness. I use the correct grammar and punctuation and my sentences flow smoothly in context and content. However, oftentimes my sentences are awkward. My diction can definitely be improved to reflect better writing. I should also refrain from using long, winding sentences that make the paragraph more complex and difficult to follow through. Those are the strengths and weaknesses I notice in my own writing.
February 17, 2006
This week in class I learned how to peer review essays. I read another classmates essay and referring to the peer review questionnaire, graded his paper. Grading his paper also made me realize the common mistakes I sometimes tend to make in my own paper. After I had graded his paper, I received my paper back from another classmate and that gave me a chance to see how others felt about my writing. I read my critique and realized sometimes I tend to go off topic. Peer editing really helped me realize that I needed to improve my writing.
February 10, 2006,
This week in class I learned how to cite sources and how to use appropriate illustrations and images to enhance a particular speech or essay. I already knew how to cite from previous classes, but going over it once again sharpened my knowledge of citations. I also took a page of Martin Luther King Jr.s' Letter to Birmingham Jail and inserted an image to make the speech more eye-catching. I also put a subtitle half way through the page to indicate Luther's shift in speech.
February 3, 2006,
This week in class I learned how to effectively evaluate arguments. I had to write paragraph#5 where I explored my parents' high school era. In doing so, I realized how much their culture actually had an impact on my own culture. So I compared both my parents and my own culture and argued that my culture was really impacted by my parents' culture.
January 27, 2006
This week in class, I learned how to modernize a paragraph. I took an excerpt from The Birmingham Jail and changed a few of the sentences around and also changed a few of the words. The point was not to change the content, but rather the context. Since speeches slightly differ in language today, as compared to in 1963, when Martin Luther King Jr. wrote his letter. By changing some of the words around, the letter gave more of an appeal of something being written in 2006.
January 20, 2006
This week in class, I learned what rhetorical analysis is and the premises of how to analyze given text. I also learned that a good arguement needs a claim and that claim needs reasons. A claim, according to my understanding, is a statement in which you provide your viewpoint on a certain topic or issue. A reason, then, is suporting detail of your claim; points that you make to validate your claim.
January 13, 2006.
Last week in class, we went over the class syllabus and learned how to get the highest grade in the grade. I also learned a few writing techniques. I learned that to chose just one word, we have to think more than once. The word we chose is important in how our sentences are structured. Also, I learned that we always write for an audience, and once we know who our audience, we have to target how to write for them.
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